The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me in Scholomance


23 December 2006

My 2nd trip to Scholomance.  I hate this place.  Nothing to skin -- the Undead have already lost any usable skin via decay.  A thousand ways to die here and I feel like I tried out all of them on my previous trip.  Yeah, I know, the actual number of deaths couldn't have been more than, say, eight.  But it felt like more.  Death always feels that way.  And Death by Undeath even more so.

So I'm not "optimistic" today.  We go in and manage alright -- until Batman.  I know he's got a proper name, but "Batman" is how I remember him.  Put the "Blood of Innocents" in the bowl and this guy comes; flies in through the open window, over to the door you came in, and closes it tight -- no escape today, thank you.  And then he owns.

So I'm the "healer".  Woah, big "surprise", that one.  My group is getting owned, so I'm healing.  One heal is all it takes -- and Batman ignores everybody, beelines right to me, my tank can't regain aggro fast enough, and I know I'm gone.  Finished.  All she wrote.  Here Lies the Druid.  Rest in peace(s), Treehugger.  Alas, poor Livius, we knew him...somewhat.  Maybe he left some stuff to me in his will.  But maybe not, so I'd better loot his corpse and grab all his gear and pocket change, just to be safe.  I can see it all in that moment as Batman streaks toward me and ... punts me.

They say the greatest thrill you'll ever know is "flying without wings".  I'm doing it right now and it's "thrilling", all right.  I'm having a blast.  Batman whacks me and I'm sailing out the window he flew in.  I am out of the instance.  Total disorientation -- I don't know where I am or where I'm going.  Moments like this, it's amazing how little goes through your head.  I didn't "see my life flash before me" -- that moment was back in the room when Batman flew toward me with murder in his eyes.  Now that it's done and I'm Flying Without Wings, with no idea how long and how far, I'm strangely serene about it.  The only thoughts I have are "Oh.  Gonna' die.  OK.  Cool."

But I don't.  I hard-land on the rocks on the edge of Caer Darrow, right next to the lake.  There are 206 bones in the human body; we Kaldorei have a few more.  Doesn't matter -- I've broken all of them.  I'm bleeding from every orifice -- the usual ones and the new ones the sharp rocks just created.  I'm as battered as I can ever possibly get and still be alive.  And yes -- I am alive.

Wow.  Mind boggles as I lie there.  Water laps the shore of the lake, gently smacking the rocks that are stuck in my broken body.  I try to mentally get behind the simple fact that I am not dead.

I finally get it.  Self-heal takes three seconds.  I stand -- slowly.  Check the group's status.  Dead ... dead ... dead aannnnd ... dead.  All four of them gone.  Batman's had a good day.  Not a perfect one -- that would have required all five of us dead.  But I live.  Because he punted me out of the instance.

I decide the day can't get any better than this, so I hearth back to the Inn, wash up, and go to bed.  Hope I don't dream about "flying."