How to do Good AoE

Last update:  02 January 2007


"Good AoE" (Area of Effect) has three components, which I'll discuss below.

You start by getting someone who has a "good AoE".  Now, as soon as you talk "AoE", everyone thinks of Mages, and yes, Mages have pretty effective AoE, no argument there!  But let's face it -- Mage AoE is not natural.  Now, to have 100% all-natural AoE, you want a Druid!  And since only Elves can be Druids (in the Alliance, anyway), you get the added bonus of having a damned good-lookin' Druid!  So...

1.  Get yourself a Damned Good-lookin' Elf Druid -- and let's call him ... "Livius".

Now the next component you need for "good AoE" is what I call "The Running Rock".  This is someone who's preferably kind of, you know ... short, and fat, and ... uhm, high intellect not a "must".  The "must" is:  hard as diamond (but not necessarily as visually stunning as same).  So...

2.  Get yourself a Running Rock -- and let's call him ... "Mishrack".

Now you need a group of things upon which to perform the Good AoE.  There are lots of possibilities all over Azeroth.  For this, you want something really disgusting and awful -- the more unpleasant the AoE'ed are, the more satisfaction you will derive from Good-AoE-ing them!  I humbly suggest the Murlocs on the Western Strand of the Hillsbrad Foothills.

Really now, I have to ask you:  is anything more disgusting and horrid than a Murloc?  I mean, come on -- "normal" fish are already bad enough ... but "fish" that crawl out of the water, walk around on land, make horrible noises that they probably call "language", take over whole stretches of fine beachfront property and scare the locals' children?  Scum-sucking bastards!  I hate 'em!  Kill 'em!  Kill 'em all and let Elune sort 'em out!


Sorry.  OK, so...

3.  Get yourself a good bunch of targets for your Good AoE.  And let's call them ... "Murlocs".

Now that you've done all the "prep" work, the actual execution of the Good AoE is a snap:

1.  Go to where Murlocs are.

2.  Send Mishrack right into the middle of the Murlocs.  Have him run around to make sure he pulls aggro on every damned Murloc there and also pulls them into a tight, little group.

3.  This is the tricky bit:  timing the actual AoE release.  At the point where Mishrack has not only pulled but also holds aggro on every damned Murloc on the beach, Livius activates the Hurricane.  Two things can go wrong here:

    a.  Livius hurricanes too early -- i.e., before Mishrack holds aggro.  This results in all the Murlocs forgetting about the Rock and coming after the Druid.  Can't have that, no no no!  The Druid's hair might get mussed.

    b.  Livius hurricanes too late -- i.e., Mishrack dies.  This would be very inconvenient because it would require Livius to expend 1,057 mana and an entire Ironwood Seed to bring Mish back from the dead.

    The best way around these pitfalls is to have Mishrack give Livius a pre-arranged signal for when he's grabbed and held the aggro.

4.  If the timing is right, then you enjoy the sublime bliss of watching one damned Murloc after another drop dead right in front of your eyes.

5.  Go through the Murlocs' pockets for loose change and stuff.  Then have a grill-party on a Murloc-free beach!