The (mis)Adventures of the Blackmist Brigade -- Part 1
Topic runtime: 15 June - 08 December 2008
A pack of misfits, troublemakers, screwballs and
cockups, cast out or driven out of politer society, left to fend for themselves
in a turbulent and violent world, coming together and finding strength in and
shared purpose with each other, to survive and prosper contrary to everyone's
expectations, to make their unique mark on the Realm, to be bold -- fierce --
drunk! And to stand up high, look out over the masses from whence they came and
loudly proclaim, "We're still here, you bastards!"
This is the Blackmist Brigade. And this is our continuing story.
We founded the "Blackmist Brigade" on 11 May 2008 and forged it on the following principles:
* Roleplay (RP). Darkmoon Faire is an RP server. If RP is not what you're about, there are many PvE/PvP servers out there and we trust you know how to find them.
* Raiding. We're RP, but that doesn't mean we spend our nights roasting marshmallows and telling stories around the campfire. The Light has many enemies and it is our duty to engage and defeat them.
* Attitude. It's far more important than level, ability, spec, epix owned or any other trivial criteria. We need all that to progress in raids, yes -- but it all starts with your willingness to learn and work with your mates. Given the choice between (1) a poorly-geared and inexperienced newbie with an honest desire to learn and (2) a cocky, epix-covered know-it-all, we'll take the former, thank you.
* Small & cohesive. We will run 10-man raids from our own membership and 25-man raids via partnerships. We are committed to a guild that is just large enough and no larger. We measure success by the fun we have and not the number of entries on our roster (or what bosses we've downed or how many "we are just so cool!" bumps we make on our own forum topics). We applaud Blizzard's decision to make WotLK content accessible for 10-man raids and we are on-track to experience that content without the need to compromise on our principles just to get 25 people together.
* RP / Raid Balance. The bane of any guild that calls itself "RP" is the inevitable raid pressure as members progress through End-game. RP dies a slow death to raid expediency, until one day you suddenly wake up and realize the RP is all but gone -- and you have no idea how it happened. The Blackmist Brigade is here to tell you that you can have both -- if you have the leadership, discipline and vigilance to see it through.
* Fun. What it's all about in the end. WoW is a game, but not "just" -- it's a community we're all a part of and the guild is an important subset of that community. We all contribute to the fun by sharing our time with others in a positive way. We ruthlessly protect our community from those who, via antisocial behavior, would ruin the experience for others.
If that all sounds something like the "WoW Experience" you had in mind when you joined an "RP Server", then come check us out.
*sigh* would someone fetch the Argent dawn it seems Brielle has developed some sort of nonsense speaking plague. <speaks slowly> Don't worry Brielle we are going for help just please stop speaking like that.
Brielle: could you please check if this tissue smells weird to you?
*takes a deep sniff of the tissue*
That does smell... a little... weh---
*rolls her eyes and falls over with a thump*
Looks at Brielle and wrinkles her nose
Well we have her now, but how on Azeroth are we going to drag a bear all the way to a healer?
Come on then, we'll have to carry her...
*Grabs the bears front paws* Help me here
I wonder, if we put a sleeping bears paws into lukewarm water, will it have the same effect as with other humanoids?
Rushes off to get warm water
Ooh! This gotta be good! *pulls stack of Nethergarde Bitter out of her backpack*
Leave the poor bear alone!
Stops and looks at Belleth shamefacedly
We were just going to wash her. She smells bad.
What they say!
* sniffs the bear *
... Okay, fine.
But no funny stuff!
Of course my dear.
Just turn around and walk away *Smiles*
No. *stands guard*
You people behave! *sticks out her tongue*
Belleth, you are asking the vrong people to behave.
Asking Blackmist Brigade members to behave is like asking the sun to freeze, it's against the law of nature!
*whispers to the rest*
Ve could also shave the bear vhile she's asleep... and give gher a mohawk!
*Looks at the bear, grinning*
* makes shifty eyes and grins *
That would actually be kinda funny...
Vell of course it vill be funny!
Now ve ghave to move quickly before the bear vakes up.
*looks around* anybody experienced vith shaving animals?
I skin animals regularly but I guess that's not what we're going for here. *giggles*
*Draws one of his swords*
Will this do?
Belleth, that's close enough to shaving animal. *grin* You may do
Just be careful that your skinner-instinct doesn't kick in vhile you're shaving gher.
And I think a dagger vould be better for shaving, sword is too big and clumsy for such a precise job.
*Sheaths his sword*
laughs wickedly and runs off to purchase purple dye from the tailors
Come on Belleth, vhat are you vaiting for?
Not backing out now are you?
There's this collection of beads I sto... got from ogre! Do you think you can use it?
*Has a confused look on his face*
Sorry could you repeat that?
This should be fun.
*grins wickedly as she goes to work using her Emerald Ripper*
Beads, ya know? Small pierced decorative items where ya can make
nacklaces from, or put in in ya hair!
On in our case, in da hair of dis bear!
Well we're about... *Looks at Belleth* ... we are shaving the bear not decorating it.
I think we should make it all naked except for a fluffy pink
mohawk down its back. I brought the dye.
An exquisite idea, Belleth is that possible?
Should be possible I think.
Way ahead of you! *chuckles*
LiviusThe Druid sighed mightily as he sat at the desk going through the daily paperwork. For about the 637th time, he wondered why he didn't have a secretary.
*stirs and groans*
Uh-oh, I think she's waking up soon. I'm done shaving so, quick, hand me the dye! *waves at Kaylea*
Hands Belleth an armload of small pink dye bottles
"I had to be sure we had enough."
"Eek it's coming to. Someone bash it's head quickly!"
Looking good Belleth! You sure you ghaven't done this before?
You're certainly skilled at it.
Perhaps after this ve could...
*looks around and lower her voice even more*
...perhaps ve could give our dear kitty-cat Livius a ghaircut?
*bounces up and down with rusty scissors in her hand*
I cut hairs! I can cut Livius!
hhhh Jadyn! Not too loud! Ghe might ghear you!
*looks around to see if Livius is near*
You can give Livy a ghaircut... under supervision. And ve'll ghave to get you some better clippers, those rusty things von't do much good except give people tetanus.
Hmm I have seen livius been put on fire, hit with hammers the size of those dwarven tanks, and still his fur has survived. I think we shall have to get the scissors of azinoth for that task.
There ghas to be a vay. *starts pondering*
Ghow's the bear coming along Belleth?
All done! *claps and rubs her hands together*
*looks at Belleth's handiwork*
Very good *snickers*
Now, ve ghave to get out of ghere before she comes by!
I don't think she vill be a very ghappy bear.
Maybe we should get one of the gnomes to wake her up? *grins wickedly*
Vho did you ghave in mind to be the... volunteer?
Gimme booze and a very long poking shtick n I'll do it!
*Hands Alyastrazsa a poker*
Here use this completely ordinary wooden stick.
Why it is glowing? I do not know, but it is definitely not a fiery enchant! So no danger of her getting a slight burn and waking up wanting to kill anything that moves.
*walks over to a convenient place*
Anytime you are ready!
*Eyes Mirade suspiciously*
*Takes a chug of Nethergarde Bitter*
Okay den, here we go... three, two, one n...
*Thrusts stick forward, while vanishing in the meanwhile*
*Runs to a corner and feigns death*
Throws a holy shield around herself and runs for the door
It was the drunk gnome's idea!
aughs rather insane and grabs an arrow, its tip glistening
with some fluid
This von't be enough to down gher, but ghopefully enough to calm gher down.
fires a tranquilizing shot at Brielle
*takes the hit and begins to slow down*
[slurred voice] Grrr... Oh... Ow... Why does my butt feel like it's burning?
Smiles at Litheen then turns to look at Ilathion feigned in
the corner of the room
Well I know which hunter I will be sticking closer to in future. Very brave Ilathion.
*Hears that the bear has been tranquilized and stands up*
Oh poor Litheen *Grins back*
narrows her eyes slightly at Ilathion*
Vell next time I'll throw a misdirection on your ass, let's see ghow you manage that!
*looks at Brielle*
Looks rather silly, a drugged bear vith a pink mohawk.
Ve could make people pay to see gher!
laughs at Ilathion's joke
Okay lets get the bear outside. Next time it wakes up I don't want it messing things up in here. Livius will have a fit bigger than the one he had when skewsproket teleported us all to Ironforge as a joke.
Grabs Brielle's paws
Come on help me.
*Grabs under the bears back*
Come on now, we need one more to take the back paws!
*A wall suddenly collapses, as the dust settles a pack of rather
large and vicious wolves appears... and a gnome covered in blood... on a cart*
Ah! I see ye lot started ta think on moving er out! So did i! I adopted dese puppies! And dis cart dey are attached ta!
*lifts her eyepatch, noticing the blood all over her clothes*
Sorry bout da mess! Da orc didn't agree wid me adoptin his puppies. But I had some convincing points, and sharp reasonin.
Anyway, load da bear onta dis cart... n find somewan who knows how ta drive dis thing.
*lowers her eyepatch, hits the cart approvingly and walks off to the booze cellar*
That was.... quick...
*Grabs the back paws*
Alright let's get it, I mean her, in the cart.
careful though, she's not completely tranquilized, she might
still be able to bite.
Vhere are ve going to take gher anyway?
[slurs] But mom, I cleaned it up, I swear...
[mumbles] ... Huhu... Murlocs are funny...
*Stands at a distance noticing how people are standing very close
to the 700 kilo bear form druid. *
*gets an idea*
Hey guys. You are aware that you are all manhandling a 700 kilo, pink-dyed and shaved ministry of feral death there? Imagine its sense of humor if someone was to throw abolish poison on it.
Imagine the fun I'd ghave giving that bear a misdirection to the
genious vho casted an ablish poison on it?
Now ve vouldn't vant that to ghappen right?
Come on, don't be a coward and give us some ghelp, this bear is heavy!
*turns out of invisibility[*
No need to raise her, when you can let her slide...
*casts some frostbolts to the ground, making a path of ice*
There we go!
Immediatly slips on her bum
You know you could have warned us.
Alright come on, push!
Gets up, pulls a face at Redash and begins to push the bear
along the ice.
Wait, wait stop! It's tongue was hanging out and is now stuck to the floor!
"Ah, Marcus Livius!" exclaimed Warden Thelwater, as he strode up
to meet the Druid. "Always a pleasure! Thank you for coming."
The Druid nodded, smiling apologetically. "I hope she's not been too much trouble."
Thelwater blinked. "Well...er, no. She's been...uhm, well! You must be busy, Sir! And I hate to take your time this way. Shall we get to it?"
The Druid nodded a bit too quickly and replied, "Of course!" Inwardly, he sighed. So it was like that again. Well, nothing for it but to put it behind us as quickly as possible. He set the bag of gold coins down heavily on the table. Thelwater nodded with satisfaction, making no move to count them.
"Myers!" called the Warden. "Are you ready yet?"
"Yessir!" replied a loud but strangely muffled voice from an adjacent room. And out came Guard Myers -- head to toe in the thickest combat plate the druid had ever seen, head concealed behind a full-face helm. On his left arm was a huge shield and his right hand held an intimidating mace.
Thelwater moved around Myers, checking the fit of the armor, adjusting here, tightening there, testing the snugness of the shield and scrutinizing the mace.
The Druid frowned, cleared his throat and enquired, in as polite a tone as he could muster: "I say, Warden -- is all that really necessary?"
Thelwater and Myers both merely blinked at the Druid. Then the Warden gave a sharp whistle and barked, "Detail! Fall in!" And from the room where Myers had come there now issued five additional guards, all decked out identical to Myers. The six of them fell into a line in front of Thelwater and stood at attention.
The Druid sighed again. Bad this time, really bad, he thought.
"Right, Boys!" snapped Thelwater. "You go in. You unlock the door. You bring her out. You walk her here. Simple. Easy. Quick. Any questions?"
There were none. "Move out!" Myers' voice: "Right...face!" The six simultaneously turned 90 degrees and six pairs of plate boots made a loud >clack!<. "Forward...march!" And down into the depths of the prison they all went.
The Druid took a step toward them, but felt Thelwater's hand abruptly on his shoulder "I'm sorry, Sir -- new regulations after the prison revolt. No non-prison personnel allowed in the cell area."
The Druid blinked. "Of course." And they both waited. The Druid involuntarily swallowed.
After a minute, the sound of marching, plated feet, drawing steadily closer. Another sound as well ... chain links clinking against each other. And up the steps came the six guards, ringed in a circle around a female Draenei, shackled hand and foot with nearly half a meter length of chain between the shackles.
"Center...face!" >clack!< All six guards now faced the prisoner. Her eyes had dark circles under them, but when she saw the Druid, she immediately brightened, raised both shackled arms and let out an enthusiastic "GHALLO!"
The Druid sighed, eyebrows up, resigned smile on his face. "Hello, Jadyn."
Warden Thelwater stepped up next to the Druid. "May we..?"
The Druid blinked, then appeared to remember something. "Oh, of course. Ahem. Jadyn, Dear? You're going to be nice now, yes?"
Jadyn snorted. Then smiled. "Yes, be nice!"
The Druid nodded to Thelwater, who in turn nodded to Myers, who stepped up to Jadyn, took out a key and unlocked her wrist shackles. Another guard did the same to the shackles on her feet.
"Ghave man at feet!" exclaimed Jadyn, looking the picture of happiness. The guard's helmet hid whatever reaction he may have had.
Chains gone, Jadyn and the guards stood for a moment facing each other in tense silence. Suddenly, Jadyn jumped and screamed "BOO!" The men fell backwards in a panic, then quickly recovered, coughing in embarrassment while Jadyn laughed.
Thelwater and the Druid both sighed and rolled their eyes, each for their own reasons. "Sign here, please," said the Warden quickly, as he shoved an official document at the Druid, who just as quickly scratched his signature on the bottom line without even reading.
"Stooooooooooooooopid! Pttttthhhhhbbbbb!" went the Shamaness, laughing again.
"Come along, Jadyn!" exclaimed the Druid as he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her toward the door while waving with a forced smile to Thelwater and the guards.
"Bai bai!" waved Jadyn enthusiastically. Warden and guards waved half-heartedly back.
The Kaldorei Druid and the Draenei Shamaness walked silently along the canal for a while. Finally, the Druid sighed.
"Jadyn, it's the second time this month and the fifth time this year," he said in a resigned tone.
"We've got to find you ... an outlet. A more ... constructive outlet."
"Now, it's got to be something other than 'combat'," The Druid continued, frowning as his mind worked. "Elune knows you're got that one down cold! This has to be something ... different. Something you've not done before. Something that will bring out your ... softer side ... show the gentler you."
The Druid glanced over to the Shamaness as they continued to walk to see if any of this was getting through. Jadyn's face was turned up to the sky and she hummed to herself as she balanced a pebble on her nose.
The Druid sighed. "Right. That is why I've decided that it's time for you to have ... a boyfriend!"
Full stop and dead silence -- broken only by a pebble hitting the pavement. The Druid looked over at Jadyn again and beheld shock and horror in her expression, her jaw dragging on the pavement.
"Yes, Jadyn -- a boyfriend! At the very least a 'date'. Hell, I'll even settle for 'casual, friendly male acquaintance' as a start, but you mark my words, Dear, you are going to learn to control yourself and exercise a little civility!"
Jadyn finally found her voice. "Break balls!" she exclaimed.
The Druid shut his eyes tight, then opened them again. "No, Dear. You will not break his balls. Not unless he 'deserves' it and let me tell you -- if he merely says 'hello, you look nice tonight', walks beside you, holds your hand, looks at you with any degree of non-lustful affection, offers you a flower, or in any other way shows his interest in a gentlemanly fashion -- that is not, repeat not, a reason to 'break his balls'! Kapeesh?"
Anything further the Druid intended to say, as well as any answer the Shamaness may have been inclined to give, was suddenly interrupted by the sounds of pandemonium coming from the inside the guild hall, where their walk had now led them. It sounded like a wild animal throwing chairs and tables around, then a loud thud as of a large animal collapsing to the floor, then a moment of silence before what sounded like a wall coming down.
This time, I had better look, thought the Druid. He ran into the building, Jadyn following, and came to an abrupt halt in the room -- what was left of it -- from which the commotion had come.
And there he beheld a rubble-strewn room of broken furniture and other debris, a cart with several large, vicious-looking wolves hitched to it and a sheet of ice on the floor upon which slumbered a feral bear. Brielle, to be exact. Shaven. Fur totally removed. Except for a fluffy mohawk -- pink, no less -- running down her back. Her tongue hung out of her mouth, stuck to the ice. And several Blackmist Troopers standing around, staring at him wide-eyed like so many children caught with their hands still in the cookie jar.
In the first moments when confronted with something incredibly abnormal, oft times the mind is too numbed at first to actually have any kind of visible reaction. And thus it was that the Druid did not scream or display upset in any way, but merely blinked, taking in the scene. He turned to Jadyn. "That will be all for today." And then he turned around and walked out of the building.
Once outside, the Druid teleported to Moonglade, ran for the nearest Barrow Den, and hibernated for the rest of the week, bravely affirming that the world would return to normal if he'd just sleep beyond the crazy.
Kaylea knew that look all too well. While Livius had left without
saying a word she knew if the situation was not returned to normal by the time
he got back, she would probably be sighed at. Worse than that she would almost
certainly get one of those infamous speeches; the one's that started with, "So
tell me Dear, just what is it you were trying to do."
Standing up a little straighter she shame-facedly began issuing orders, "Make this ice go away. We need to unstick the bear."
"Someone go find Aly, the wine cellar would be a good start; she has to take this cart back to where she found it. Then we'll need some dwarves to repair that wall, and someone go get Skewsprocket; we'll need a good photo to remember all of this by once Livvie has calmed down," with the last of her wicked grins for that afternoon the priestess began doggedly picking up broken wall stones and stacking them in the corner of the room.
*sighs somewhat disappointed*
But ve vere ghaving so much fun! Can ve at least sell some pictures for money?
And if ve're restoring everything back to normal, ghow are ve going to fix this?
*points at the shaven bear with a pink mohawk*
You can't paint ghair back on, but perghaps ve can glue it back!
*starts collecting the hair from the ground*
Somebody arrange some glue! And make sure Skew gets ghere in time to make photo!
Okay, everybody help Litheen. Lets get all that hair glued back on the bear as quick as we can.
.... And hope she doesn't wake up.
Now now young ones. I think we are running low on time. Brielle
will wake up soon and I doubt she will be merciful. Basically someone will need
to take responsibility for this mess. Fortunatly I know just the dwarf.
*Mirade walks over to the one last standing desk, pulls out a paper, some ink and a small brush. Then he walks over to Brielle, glues the paper to her belly and writes "Mishrack did it" in big letters on the paper.*
See? Problem solved. We did not do it. All we need to do now is to make sure she wakes up somewhere far from here and pretend nothing happened.
Good thinking master Druid.
Actually that sounds like a much better idea!
*drops the hairs back on the floor and brushes them off of her clothes*
Come on people, move! Don't vant to be ghere vhen she vakes up, and she's starting to come by again!
::Is walking past the guild hall when he see's Alyastrasza trying
to remove a cart and some wolves from the wall and decides to see what's
happening on the inside and goes through the front door::
Hey Everyo... ::stops talking as he tries to take in the scene in front of him::
Err guys what going on?
Is party! Much funny! *grabs Sethan's hands and starts dancing around the room, dragging him with her*
*stops for a moment in the doorway as he is about to leave*
I do not know what was going on here, because I was never here. Understand? Ne-v-er!
*starts running towards the exit*
::gets Dragged around by Jadyn as he tries to make some sense of
what's going on::
What do you mean you were never here! wait , wait! Don't leave me with her please!
Tries to ignore the commotion as she, very patiently, and yet completely inartistically glues big clumps of fur back onto the bear.
I... uhm... am a bit hungry so I think I'll go out for a bit.
*Walks to the door and, as soon as he walks through, runs off*
*stirs and growls lowly*
It's waking up hurry!
Squirts glue all over the bear and begins merely picking up fistfuls of hair, throwing them onto the glue and hoping they stick.
::manages to disengage himself from Jadyn::
You know i think seeing the panic from everyone else that i might want to go and join Ilathion for lunch...
::starts backing up towards the door::
*looks at Kaylea and the waking bear*
Oh come on!
*quickly gathers some hair and throws them on top of the sticky bear, following Kaylea's example*
There! Done now! Ve ghave to get out of ghere now!
*grabs Kaylea by the hand and begins dragging her to the door*
Everybody clear the room, the bear is vaking up!
Grabs Litheen's hand, and throwing one last fistful of hair onto the glue smothered bear, makes a dash for the door.
So. anyone know of a good lunch spot? Preferably one that is very remote and guarded by something rabid.
*sits on Brielle with her legs crossed*
Ha ha ha ha, bear hair look stoooopid! You not cut good hair, like Jadyn. *nods*
*hears Jadyn laughing and turns around*
Oh by the Naaru! Ghas she been drinking?
Jadyn, come ghere! The bear vill not be ghappy vhen she vakes up, and I don't think she vill care if you're innocent or not.
Woooo! I get new free horse! *waves a hand up in the hair, while holding on to Brielle's mohawk with the other one*
OK Jadyn, you're on your own now! Ghave fun vith that bear!
*makes a run for it*
((And so ends "The Dreadful and most dramatic tale of the Blackmist Brigade and the Fuzzy Pink bear". Thank you to everyone who chipped in with their kind words, insane ad libs and recommendations to join us. Oh and in the nature of all good things - look out for our new thread of random acts of weirdness coming soon))